Why is it that we aren't encouraged to treat ourselves with the same level of love and respect as we are taught to treat others?
For me, it goes back to being taught to be self-less not selfish. That it's better to give than to receive. That I must care for others more than I care for myself. While all of these things are true and helpful, healthy boundaries need to be set in order for our own basic needs to also be met. Because we can’t give to others when our own cup is empty…
It's all about a healthy balance.
So what is that balance? How do we obtain this balance of caring for others while also caring for ourselves? How do we practice self-care and self-love without being overtly selfish?
First, I think it's important to ask the question:
What is self-love?
I think it's important to note, we receive many messages on a daily basis about what self-care is "supposed" to look like. Self-care is not a set of rules as to what to do or what-not to do. It’s not about this strict and rigid schedule. Self-care and rest cannot just be set aside for "down-time."
Advertisements and social media will tell you self-care requires all these special beauty products, new brand-name workout clothes, or some fancy meal. While self-care can be those things, it is not inherently any of those things.
Self-love is giving your body the time, the place, and the resources it needs in that moment.
Imagine if you will your best friend. Your best friend just had the most exhausting day. Everything that could go wrong seemed to, and they are physically and mentally drained. Would you, being the good friend that you are, force them to go to the gym if they didn't want to? Or would you tell them they need to go out shopping to get that special beauty regime so they can spend the whole night trying to figure out how to relax or take "care of themselves?"
Of course not, right?! So why would you do the same thing to yourself?
Self-love, in your friend's case above, might look like going out to a nice restaurant to get a relaxing, nourishing meal. Or it might look like taking a long soak in the bathtub with some Epsom salts they have in the cupboard. Or it might look like taking an unwinding walk with a good friend or their dog.
Self-love isn't about some magic formula the internet or ads tell you that you simply must have. It’s about listening and giving what your body exactly what it needs. If that's getting out of the house to go shopping, do it! If that's eating a yummy smoothie and popcorn, do it! If that's hugging a friend or a pet, do it (assuming you have permission). I think you get the point.
But don’t just listen to what society is telling you, listen to your body, and don't just force yourself to do something you don't want to do. Same as you would a good friend, give yourself the encouragement, support, and attention you need before tackling those projects that need to get done.
Listening to your body takes some time and conscious effort, but I wholeheartedly believe you can do it!
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